Tag Archive | Mini Mansions

Daily WTF: Suri Cruise Is Getting A Playhouse That’s Bigger Than My Apt

It’s not unusual for parents to spoil their children after a divorce.  I remember my dad taking my younger brother and I to Toys’R’Us each week to pick out something.  I usually got a Jem doll or an outfit or two for my giant collection of Jem dolls. I was also partial to those boxy pencil cases that had lots of compartments, including a “hidden” pencil sharpener that would pop out when you pushed a button. My dad stocked his tiny one bedroom apartment (my brother and I would “camp” in the living room) with Play Doh. Let me tell you, we had some SWEET Play Doh accessories.  I enjoyed making multi colored spaghetti for my dad.  Yeah, gotta love the 80’s.  I also have fond memories of stopping at the McDonald’s on the way to my dad’s house and getting a happy meal. He’d order a Big Mac and “when he wasn’t looking”, I stole his pickles and he’d call me the “pickle moster”.  It made me giggle.  I was seven, just like Suri Cruise.

But my parents were and are not A-list celebs with gobs and gobs of money to throw at my fragile sense of security (that happens when your parents suddenly are living in separate houses).  So to make Suri feel better, Katie Holmes is allegedly splashing out $24,000 for the “Grand Victorian Playhouse” from Sweet Retreat. OMG.  Can Katie Holmes be MY MOM?  This this is bigger than my apartment!

It can be customized to include cathedral ceilings, window seat, sun room, custom dining room…uh, I think I’ll just get one of these and set-up shop on a deserted lot somewhere.  And yes, there’s running water and electricity.  Does it come with a bathroom and working shower?

According to the Sweet Retreat website:

Average ceiling height is 8′, so adults can easily join in the fun. As a matter of fact, many of these minimansions are actually built for adults to be used as studios, reading rooms, or simply a beautiful garden structure. With sophisticated, adult style on a child size scale, your kids won’t outgrow this Sweet Retreat anytime soon. They’ll enjoy their private getaway long after the typical playhouse years. These child’s play homes are built on-site anywhere in the United States.

Yes, so I’ll be adding this to my Christmas Wish List. I can only imagine the conversation now:

Me: Daaaaddy, can you buy me a house for the backyard?  My Hoboken apartment is too expensive.

Daddy: Why don’t you just live in the extra bedroom?


Daddy: You are ridiculous. What is the meaning of “fair” anyway? Grow up. You are 32 years old.

Me: I am 31!

Daddy: And a half…

Me: Not until the 26th! Geez, it’s like you can’t even remember my half birthday!

Daddy: [eyeroll].

Maybe my dad would be ok with something a little less pricey and a little more Jersey (ha, that’ll be the day my dad engages in anything remotely Jersey trash)?

If you find that the “Grand Victorian Luxury Playhouse” is too pedestrian for your tastes, and you’re more of a “Real Housewives” type, don’t worry, Sweet Retreat has a “Beverly Hills Mansion” for $7,000 that is right up the “Real Housewives” alley.  Except, it’s bare inside.  Your poor child will have to use their imagination when playing inside this playhouse. No electricity or sun room for you!

The Beverly Hills for your child's inner Real Housewife

The Beverly Hills for your child’s inner Real Housewife

Too Bad the Beverly Hills Mansion is Bare Inside.

Too Bad the Beverly Hills Mansion is Bare Inside. Maybe one of the Housewives can help you decorate. I know Teresa Guidice is always looking for a way to make a buck since going bankrupt.  Be careful though, she might just make everything marble and onyx and gold.

Personally, I’d get the Mini Mansion Luxury Playhouse for $36,000 (excluding amenities, and you know I gotta have myself a custom kitchen, sun room, and staircase).  So, probably for the cost of a year of law school tuition, I can get myself a mini-house and live happily ever after, until it gets repossessed because I missed the payments on my McPlayhouse mansion. Just like real life!

This is my dream mini-mansion.  I'd get this baby tricked out to be alike a real house.

This is my dream mini-mansion. I’d get this baby tricked out to be alike a real house.

Something tells me Suri’s house ain’t getting repossessed. I hope she enjoys it. I am so totes jealous as an adult, but I wouldn’t trade my fond memories of Jem dolls and McDonald’s for anything.